Relationship Advice
In my work, I am often asked to give people advice about relationships. I have been 
fortunate in my life to have a lot of excellent advisers who have helped me with my own understanding and relationships; I try to pass that along when I can to my clients. I do not claim to be an expert on relationships, but time and time again I run into the same issues, themes, and questions when I’m working with folks from all over the world, so I thought it might be helpful to share some of them.
1.) A relationship will not “complete” you. Contrary to what the pop songs, romantic movies, and love poems, and so forth tell us; a love, even a “true love” or soul mate is not going to solve all your problems. The most functional and happiest relationships are between two people who are whole, not two half people that come together to make one.
2.) Jealousy does not equal love. Granted we all may have pangs of jealousy from time to time, but if your partner does not make a fuss every time you are around another person, that does not mean that he or she doesn’t love you – and by the same token just because someone is jealous, that doesn’t mean that they do love you.
3.) One of the hardest things about life, love, and relationships is that sometimes our time scales are mismatched. You might be ready for “him/her,” and longing to have her/him in your life in the way that you want them to be there; but if s/he’s not ready, you can’t MAKE them be ready. The relationship can only move at the speed of the least ready person’s time scale. You don’t have to agonize over this, but you do have to accept it. Non-acceptance of this will not only cause you pain, it can end a relationship before it starts! (more…)
