Sharing Circle

In my work, I am often asked to give people advice about relationships. I have been fortunate in my life to have a lot of excellent advisers who have helped me with my own understanding and relationships; I try to pass that along when I can to my clients. I do not claim to be an expert on relationships, but time and time again I run into the same issues, themes, and questions when I’m working with folks from all over the world, so I thought it might be helpful to share some of them.

1.) A relationship will not “complete” you. Contrary to what the pop songs, romantic movies, and love poems, and so forth tell us; a love, even a “true love” or soul mate is not going to solve all your problems. The most functional and happiest relationships are between two people who are whole, not two half people that come together to make one.

2.) Jealousy does not equal love. Granted we all may have pangs of jealousy from time to time, but if your partner does not make a fuss every time you are around another person, that does not mean that he or she doesn’t love you – and by the same token just because someone is jealous, that doesn’t mean that they do love you.

3.) One of the hardest things about life, love, and relationships is that sometimes our time scales are mismatched. You might be ready for “him/her,” and longing to have her/him in your life in the way that you want them to be there; but if s/he’s not ready, you can’t MAKE them be ready. The relationship can only move at the speed of the least ready person’s time scale. You don’t have to agonize over this, but you do have to accept it. Non-acceptance of this will not only cause you pain, it can end a relationship before it starts! (more…)

What follows is long but is one of, I think, the most important and moving relatively recent speeches that I’ve ever read. And I have probably read more of them than most people who I have known- starting from about the beginning of the last decade, when I personally and professionally developed more of an interest in politics. I was aware of many of the points that he raises and they are all accurate to the best of my knowledge.

Many people my age and younger may not have any real idea why the Kennedy family has been revered in certain circles for decades, as we are too young basically to remember JFK’s administration. This speech may help explain it.

The world deserves anyone coming upon this the favor of reading and considering every word of it, and if you find it worthy, sharing parts or all of it with your friends, family members, and so on. These are very, very very important points, I think, even though we are now under a (somewhat) different administration.

This speech was brought to my/our attention (my husband actually found and pulled the transcript) through a movie produced by David Arquette and Courteney Cox Arquette. I think every word of this speech should be read and considered by every American human and, in fact, by many of the rest of the non-American humans.

I do not consider this to be a speech which furthers the generally pretty polarized political climate in the US now. I think it is pretty neutral, but others may disagree.

Apart from everything else that makes this important, (in my humble opinion) this speech should also help any of the Republican or even Libertarian persuasion who perhaps question why GWB and that administration was so reviled by people like myself–that is if they don’t already understand why that was/is. Many less than obvious points are made here that should help people understand. It is my understanding that many who consider themselves on the “right-wing” side of the political equation at least claim to not understand why the Bush admin was so vehemently reviled (especially if one leaves out obviously revulsion-inducing role GWB played in creating the Iraq war.) I am hardly a rabid environmentalist by anyone’s standards. But this speech makes critically important points, I think.

Read, and if so inclined, share with anyone else who you think might need to consider this.

This is the official transcript of a speech delivered by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in 2005:

I have been an environmental advocate for twenty years, and I’ve been disciplined during that period about being nonpartisan in my approach to this issue. The worst thing that can happen to the environment is if it becomes the province of a single political party. Most of the environmental leaders in our country agree with me. Five years ago, if you asked the leaders of the major environmental groups in America, What’s the gravest threat to the global environment?, they would have given you a range of answers: overpopulation, habitat destruction, global warming. Today, they will all tell you one thing: it’s George W. Bush. This is the worst environmental president that we have ever had. You simply cannot speak honestly about the environment in any context today without speaking critically about this president. If you go to the Natural Resources Defense Council’s web site you will see over 400 major environmental rollbacks that have been promoted by this administration over the last three and half years. It is a concerted, deliberate attempt to eviscerate thirty years of environmental law. It is a stealth attack, one that’s been hidden from the public. (more…)

I have been thinking lately about the way that certain things that people say sometimes stick in our minds for a lifetime, and wondering about the reasons why that is so. I have also for professional and personal reasons been thinking a lot about children for some time now. Studies have shown that what people – even strangers – say to children and their parents can actually make a big, positive difference in their lives. A personal memory of mine points to just such a thing.

For some reason I remember very little about my childhood whatsoever, but the following little snippet stands out. I was about 8 or 9 years old. All I know for sure is that I was in, I think, the fourth grade. A man who was at my school, put his hand on the top of my head one day in between classes, which was a little strange. I said something to him like “why are you doing that?” (I may have tried to move out from under his hand as well and he didn’t let me; I have never liked to be touched by strangers.) I don’t know who he is or was, I am pretty sure he was not directly one of my teachers. Obviously he worked at the school in some capacity.

And then came the money quote. Whoever he was, he grinned down at me and he said:
“I was just checking to see if you feel on the outside as smart as you are on the inside!”

And then he let me go and I scampered off.

According to my mother, the whole school had just taken tests (which I don’t remember at all) as part of a study into IQ levels. They told her at the time that I scored among the very highest in the whole county. A lot has happened since then in my life of course, and I am well aware that if I were to be tested today that my IQ would not be as high on the charts as it might have been then. (Head trauma will do that to you!)

But what I do know is that those few small words from that man seeped its way into my heart, and became part of my self- esteem. “I’m smart!” – partly as a result of what this man said- became part of my idea of who I am. Those few small words this man spoke to me (more than thirty years ago now!) changed my life. And he doubtless forgot completely that he had said that to me a few minutes after it was over. And I don’t even know who he was. But I was forever changed for the better as a result. He is part of the reason why I was able to think of myself as intelligent, which was a gift that helped get me through some traumatic times indeed.

The point, of course, is that we all have the power to do for children that we know or that we come across what that man did for me. We may never know when we have given someone a priceless gift like that man did for me, or when we have permanently changed someone’s life for the better.

But one thing is for sure. If we don’t make a point to speak kindly to children or their parents when we have the chance, we will not make such a difference. The thing is, it is worth the effort. I will forever be grateful to that man, whoever he was.

The following is a guest post written by Nicole Miller of Living in A Second Language. She’s my American born friend currently living in France. We hope she’ll join us here at Sharing Circle when she can.  Let her know your thoughts!

The After

Living in a second language and a foreign culture is an endless approximation.  A mathematical formula I can’t quite get right, despite years of trying.  I have navigated, negotiated, and narrated my life through the structured flow chart of French, la forme, for the past 11 years.  Le fond, the depth – the guts – all of that remains American.

The good news is, on a daily basis, I fit in.  I am not identified on the street as American and my accent is rarely heard. The bad (or is it?) news is, I am still foreign here, other.  There are moments, both for them and for me, when it is clear, on the surface at least, that we simply cannot understand each other, despite accurate syntax and appropriate vocabulary.

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Some friends of mine are going to be taking a trip to Orlando soon, and I’m casting about for some interesting/unusual things that they might want to check out. Yeah, everyone knows about Disneyland and Epcot and all that: I’m looking for things OFF the beaten path, so to speak.

So far, I’ve come across the “Mouse Surplus Review,” which is apparently a big warehose holding everything from excess mickey mouses to name tags from old Disney Characters. Reveiwers say it’s worth a look. It’s located at  1000 Detour Rd, Haines City, FL 33844-9350 (863) 422-0000. Their website is here.

Also, if you’re interested in fainting goats (and who isn’t, they’re surely one of the most interesting creatures god created!) the link to the “International Fainting Goat Association” is here.  Looks like there are a few breeders of these lovely animals in FL. (more…)

This recipe is from the 1950 Junior League Cookbook of Charleston, SC. I haven’t tried it yet, but it sounds like just the thing for hot summer days.  It looks easy, too – with only four ingredients!

Ingredients:

1 cup pineapple juice

3 tablespoons lemon juice

2/3 cups sugar

2 cups milk

Mix pineapple juice, lemon juice, and sugar. Chill, then add to milk. Freeze one hour, beat thoroughly, then freeze about 3 hours. Serves 4.  (Mrs. Louis T. Parker/Josephine Walker.)

If you try it, let me know what you think!

For those who perhaps are not familiar with him, I just wanted to do my bit to make sure that the whole world learns about the venerable English author, Terry Pratchett.  He’s one of the most prolific, talented, and astute observers of human behavior who is writing today. If you have anything approximating a sense of humor, you will find something to enjoy in his extensive catalog.

Initially made famous for his Discworld novels, which are set on a mythical yet suspiciously familiar disc-shaped world, Pratchett’s work has now in several instances been made into film. Some of you may have seen “Hogfather” which aired fairly recently on American cable television. 

 Unfortunately reading books has to a degree fallen out of fashion, and of course many people are so busy working three or four jobs to make ends meet, that collapsing in front of a television set is the best many of us can do after an eighteen hour day.  Like just about every other instance you can think of, Pratchett’s books have a richness of detail that cannot possibly be translated to a movie… but they’ve certainly given it the old college try and not come up wanting.  (The aforementioned Hogfather was incredibly nicely done….how can you miss, when you cast David Jason as Rincewind? But I digress.)

So, whether you read Pratchett’s books, or watch the available films, if you’ve never heard of him, by all means, step on out and treat yourself, and your family. I would think that any of Pratchett’s books would be suitable for children from about the age of twelve on up, but of course, your mileage may vary. Children younger than that will have some of the jokes sailing over their heads, but they still will enjoy the stories. He’s a master storyteller, and laugh-out-loud funny.

Pratchett writes for adults, however. Anyway, just trust me. If you don’t know Pratchett, I HIGHLY recommend his work, especially his books, especially the discworld novels. Pratchett is a galactic treasure. If we’re rating humorous, imaginative writers on a scale of one to ten, I’d say Pratchett is an eleven! Read him, and thank me later!

I just thought I’d share a few of my favorite quotes about love. Anybody else have some other good ones?

• “Love is everything it’s cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.”~Erica Jong
• “Since feeling is first who pays attention to the syntax of things will never wholly kiss you wholly to be a fool while spring is in the world..”.~ee cummings
• “There is no remedy for love but to love more.”~Henry David Thoreau (1817 – 1862) Journal, July 25, 1839 (more…)

I wanted to share a list of some of what I think are the coolest, most inspirational books ever, and I don’t think they are commonly read these days. (Correct me if I’m wrong!) I hope folks might find something new here, and if so, let me know! I love to read and to share good books.

1.) Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl is a book by a concentration camp survivor which will really make you think. It will definitely move you, and it may even change your life. It did mine.

2.) The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom is also a very inspirational book having to with the author’s experiences during WWII. Well worth reading.

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I just wanted to share some thoughts about Gilda Radner. She was best known for her comedy and her role of “Roseanne Roseannadanna” on Saturday Night Live. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 1986, and kept an incredible state of mind about her illness–she never lost her sense of humor, apparently. She wrote a book called “It’s Always Something” which was published in about 1988.  It’s a funny, heartbreaking, and inspirational book that I would recommend to anyone–whether cancer has touched their immediate lives or not. Also, there are now apparently organizations worldwide of “Gilda’s Clubs,” where people living with cancer, and their friends and families, can meet to learn how to live with cancer. The center was named for a quip from Radner, who said, “Having cancer gave me membership in an elite club I’d rather not belong to.” (more…)